Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
