Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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