I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
