I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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