From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
