Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just found puke in my bra..
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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