A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
