what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize