She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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