I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
