So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
where does the pee come out of this thing
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
