but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
