oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
