Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
