he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
