God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
