...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
