how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
