Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
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