Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
