i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I have aggressive nipples.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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