you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I have post one night stand depression
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
