It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
