he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
i believe in u and ur pee
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