so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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