I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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