i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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