i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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