before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
