Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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