If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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