So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
