THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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