cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
