he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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