Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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