he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
