community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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