She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
