im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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