yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
