i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
