You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
