why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
