she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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