Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Randomize