I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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