just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
