tell your sister to shave her snatch
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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