Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The ass gains better be worth it
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