well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
