never play flip cup with pint glasses
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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