You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
