Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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