Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
