i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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