If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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