Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Vodka?
Forever.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
