Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
