I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
