Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
