I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
