You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
