i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
