I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
