his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
