I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
